Al: Hey, Jesse, did you hear Chellie Pingree is engaged?
Jesse: Really, who to?
Al: Some rich guy named Sussman. He works at a hedge fund. Say, what is a hedge fund? Does it have to do with landscaping?
Jesse: You are such an idiot, Al. A hedge fund is a company that collects a lot of money from a few people and then invests it. They have been known to make risky investments.
Al: So he’s a gambler, is he?
Jesse: I give up! Anyway, when did they get engaged?
Al: It seems to be right around the time that some blogger starting nosing around into their travel habits. You see, Sussman owns or the hedge fund owns, not sure which, a private airplane. He and Chellie ride it back to Maine then down to Washington so she can go to work on Capitol Hill.
Jesse: What’s wrong with that?
Al: Well, you see, the ethics people in Washington say elected officials can take a ride like that without paying for it but only if the person offering the ride is a relative. So they got engaged right away. Somebody on the radio called it a shotgun engagement!
Jesse: Hmm. I didn’t know she liked to ride on private planes. She’s always complained about other people doing that. She looks like a hypocrite to be taking rides on a private plane. Why wasn’t there more publicity about this engagement?
Al: Well, you see, it was kind of private. In fact, even though she didn’t say anything about the engagement until the hounds started sniffing around about the airplane, she claims they’ve been engaged for a year.
Jesse: Well, I suppose there’s a good explanation for the delay. She’s probably been busy picking out her china pattern and registering at Pottery Barn and so forth. Still, she’s leaving a heck of a carbon footprint riding on a private plane. That isn’t like her. She ought to be doing what the Republicans do and riding on commercial planes instead.
Al: Well, maybe she and Sussman like to be alone. They probably have lots to talk about, making plans for the wedding and all.
Jesse: When’s the big day?
Al: The big day? You mean her wedding day?
Jesse: No, I mean Election Day. I might just have to reconsider my vote. I can understand people who lie because they don’t want to pay their taxes. But there’s very few things I hate more than a hypocrite.
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