Al: Long time no see, Jesse. What’s up?
Jesse: Well, have you seen the centerfold of the new Chamber of Commerce brochure?
Al: Centerfold! Has the Chamber resorted to naked women to market the Kennebunks?
Jesse: No, no, you idiot. The centerfold is a desirable space for advertising because people naturally turn to it. The current brochure’s centerfold features resorts owned by the same group here in Kennebunkport.
Al: Tell me more.
Jesse: Well, you see, there has been a lot of buying and selling of hotels this past winter. One of the newly purchased places is the Tides Inn at Goose Rocks. It’s now called The Tides Beach Club. It is being advertised with a private beach.
Al: Private Beach! That sounds suspiciously as though the owners believe they own some part of that beach. Wait ‘til the Town and the SOB’s find out. It won’t be private for very long. I can’t wait to hear what the Judge says about that!
Jesse: The Tides Beach Club is advertising beachside services.
Al: What are beachside services? Does this mean a person can get a drink or something to eat down there on the private beach?
Jesse: That isn’t clear.
Al: Where is this private beach exactly?
Jesse: The lot is directly in front of the hotel at Goose Rocks.
Al: Does this mean if I want to go down to the beach, I can’t sit there anymore?
Jesse: You will have to take that up with the owners. Maybe you can get permission. If I were you, I’d change out of the striped shorts and plaid flannel shirt before asking. Or at least tuck in your shirt. Oh, and lose the Red Sox hat or turn it around so the bill points forward.
Al: Well isn’t the Town going to stand up for me and the other residents and stop this beach club from saying they own the beach, just as the Town is arguing with other private beach front owners?
Jesse: We will have to wait and see.
Al: Wait and see! Why would this beach club be treated different than some other beachfront owner? Are they SOB’s?
Jesse: Well, the owners of the Beach Club now own a great deal of land and property in Kennebunkport. They pay a lot of taxes to the Town. The Town doesn’t want to make the owners mad or anything. They might go somewhere else.
Al: Where are the business people going to go and find a beach like the one at Goose Rocks? And where will they find a Town to treat them so special?
Jesse: You have a point there, Al.
Al: If the Town won’t stand up for my rights then there’s only one thing for me to do. I’m going to go down to Goose Rocks right now and fill out a membership form to join that Beach Club.
Jesse: It’s not that kind of Club, Al. You see, the people who go there don’t live here.
Al: You can’t be serious. You mean, to belong to that Club you cannot live in Kennebunkport?
Jesse: You need to spend the night at one of the rented rooms to be a member of that club. You can also use the private beach if you stay at Hidden Pond Cottages.
Al: Hidden Pond? Where is that? Is it stocked?
Jesse: Hidden Pond is owned by the same business people. It’s a group of cottages up near the Clock Farm, off Fishing Pole Lane.
Al: People who like to fish can be secretive about their spots so maybe that’s why they want the pond hidden and the beach private.
But if the only people who can join that Beach Club are tourists I won’t have anything to do with them. I’ll just keep on toting my cooler and portable radio down to the public beach right next to them. It won’t bother me a bit if they want listen to the country music on my radio. On the other hand, if they like to fish, they can’t be all bad.
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